Back to the dream. I dreamed he died and when I woke up I literally FELT the sadness and I sobbed (not cried, because hey, we all know I'm a crier) yes sobbed for an hour and a half. I normally go to the gym in the morning but I couldn't pull it together enough to even do that! So, I came downstairs and prayed and I've never had such a loss for words when praying. I know God heard my heart though. I was broken, completly broken. I wondered, why did I FEEL such sadness to that capacity? Then I thought that God probably grieves for us and this dying world like that. Why the dream, why the crying, what do I need to do with this?
The following day I tried calling my brother. I couldn't get him. I tried to think of the letter I sent him 2 1/2 yrs ago. I told him how much better my life was since I accepted Christ as my Saviour. I urged him to seek God's face and although his difficulties in life would still be there, he would have help and the greatest help of all. I wonder if he ever read the letter? I remember the night I wrote it. I was pregnant with Reese and I was wide awake at 3:00am and the words came to me with such ease! No doubt that was God. So, was this dream too, something God wanted to tell me?
After all the wondering, I think I finally started to realize what I was supposed to learn. One, it is not about the alcohol, just stop with all that, and realize the only decision one can make that REALLY matters is the decision you make to accept Jesus into your life and to live for God. Really when it's all said and done that is the ONLY thing that matters. I need to stop seeing the sin in others and focus on what really matters. My brother could die and would it matter that I so despised the drinking and I told him he needed to stop? No. Would it matter that he didn't know what it took to be saved and that no one ever bothered to take the time find out if he knew? Yes. I think we assume alot of times that since we live in the bible belt that EVERYONE knows who Jesus is. We can't assume.
The lyrics to one of my favorite songs says:
"Give me your eyes for just one second,
give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing,
give me your love for humanity,
give me your arms for the broken hearted the ones that are far beyond my reach,
give me your eyes for the once forgotten..........."
I want to see others the way He sees them.
The last tidbit to the story is this.......The day before the dream I bought a book. The Hiding Place, the true story of Corrie Ten Boom. I had heard about her and a little about her story. Great book!! The ending really spoke to me. Corrie and her sister were imprisoned in Germany for hiding Jews. They suffered just unimaginable things. Corrie Ten Boom told her story to many and at the end of one of her speaking engagements one of the former guards of the prison she was in came up to her. I will quote from the book because I couldn't begin to tell in my own words.
"Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I strugged to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, but the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness. As I shook his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me."
Corrie Ten Boom.
Wow. As I read those words I thought of my dream and how those very real feelings from the dream was God. I need to look past the sin and at the person God sees. Love them. Let God do the work, and be obedient to the things he wants me to do.
I still intend on having the salvation talk with my brother but before I can do that, I need to see him and not the sin. I am so glad we don't truly get what we deserve and that we serve a loving God that sent His only Son to die on a cross to save me from MY sins!! Amazing! If God lets me off the hook why do I continue to hang others on that same hook? I sin just the same as the alcoholic, "get over it!" I tell myself, and love these people just like those who loved me and were able to see past the sin and care enough to share the greatest and most important news ever. Thank you God!!