Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Do you ever have dreams that make you wonder what the meaning behind the dream is? I am starting to have more of them and the last one was a doozy (is that a word?). Last week I dreamed by youngest brother died of alcohol poisoning. He was in rehab last year and lets just say the rehab didn't help. You can probably tell from my last post that I feel very strongly and dislike alcohol very much. I've had numerous discussions with family members that don't think there is an urgency in helping him, motivating him, and encouraging him to not drink. I'm sorry, but alcoholics can't have 1 drink. Not to mention he has a 2 yr old daughter that he is raising... the mom hasn't seen her in at least the last 18 months.

Back to the dream. I dreamed he died and when I woke up I literally FELT the sadness and I sobbed (not cried, because hey, we all know I'm a crier) yes sobbed for an hour and a half. I normally go to the gym in the morning but I couldn't pull it together enough to even do that! So, I came downstairs and prayed and I've never had such a loss for words when praying. I know God heard my heart though. I was broken, completly broken. I wondered, why did I FEEL such sadness to that capacity? Then I thought that God probably grieves for us and this dying world like that. Why the dream, why the crying, what do I need to do with this?

The following day I tried calling my brother. I couldn't get him. I tried to think of the letter I sent him 2 1/2 yrs ago. I told him how much better my life was since I accepted Christ as my Saviour. I urged him to seek God's face and although his difficulties in life would still be there, he would have help and the greatest help of all. I wonder if he ever read the letter? I remember the night I wrote it. I was pregnant with Reese and I was wide awake at 3:00am and the words came to me with such ease! No doubt that was God. So, was this dream too, something God wanted to tell me?

After all the wondering, I think I finally started to realize what I was supposed to learn. One, it is not about the alcohol, just stop with all that, and realize the only decision one can make that REALLY matters is the decision you make to accept Jesus into your life and to live for God. Really when it's all said and done that is the ONLY thing that matters. I need to stop seeing the sin in others and focus on what really matters. My brother could die and would it matter that I so despised the drinking and I told him he needed to stop? No. Would it matter that he didn't know what it took to be saved and that no one ever bothered to take the time find out if he knew? Yes. I think we assume alot of times that since we live in the bible belt that EVERYONE knows who Jesus is. We can't assume.

The lyrics to one of my favorite songs says:
"Give me your eyes for just one second,
give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing,
give me your love for humanity,
give me your arms for the broken hearted the ones that are far beyond my reach,
give me your eyes for the once forgotten..........."

I want to see others the way He sees them.

The last tidbit to the story is this.......The day before the dream I bought a book. The Hiding Place, the true story of Corrie Ten Boom. I had heard about her and a little about her story. Great book!! The ending really spoke to me. Corrie and her sister were imprisoned in Germany for hiding Jews. They suffered just unimaginable things. Corrie Ten Boom told her story to many and at the end of one of her speaking engagements one of the former guards of the prison she was in came up to her. I will quote from the book because I couldn't begin to tell in my own words.
"Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I strugged to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, but the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness. As I shook his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me."
Corrie Ten Boom.
Wow. As I read those words I thought of my dream and how those very real feelings from the dream was God. I need to look past the sin and at the person God sees. Love them. Let God do the work, and be obedient to the things he wants me to do.
I still intend on having the salvation talk with my brother but before I can do that, I need to see him and not the sin. I am so glad we don't truly get what we deserve and that we serve a loving God that sent His only Son to die on a cross to save me from MY sins!! Amazing! If God lets me off the hook why do I continue to hang others on that same hook? I sin just the same as the alcoholic, "get over it!" I tell myself, and love these people just like those who loved me and were able to see past the sin and care enough to share the greatest and most important news ever. Thank you God!!

Monday, June 8, 2009

June 8th (and a rant I shouldn't get on)

I can't believe it's been a month since I've written a blog....where does the time go? Today is Bailey's 8th birthday! Crazy, crazy that I have an 8 yr old. She has been so excited for a month about this birthday. I guess when you are a kid, you just want to be older....then when you are older you wish you were a kid again!

Sadly though, today was not a good day for her. Without going into to much info here, I'll just say two things. First, the morning started off with a phone call from her stepmom (not good since she starts the conversation with "I just thought you would want to know what's going on.") and second, once Bailey got home she told me her dad wasn't a good truth teller. So sad, but so true. However, we did go to Johny Rockets for dinner and strangers singing happy birthday to her made her day!

I have to say my peace and then I will try to stay off of this subject. I can not talk about drinking alcohol without getting very mad! I feel so passionate about not drinking that I tend to take it to the extreme. If you can't handle alcohol, don't drink!!! If you can't function and take care of your responsibilities, don't drink! If you wreck numerous vehicles due to drinking, don't drink! If it bothers your children when you drink, don't drink! If you don't want your kids to grow up to be an alcoholic, don't drink! I could go on and on but I will stop with that. I guess I just don't understand why it is so hard for people to see the damage that is caused in a family when alcohol is number one in a persons life. Oh, I forgot this one, "Jesus turned water into wine, it's ok to drink." It's not ok to get drunk, and please for the love tell me how drinking honors God??? I need to know the answer to that.

Ok, so I did get carried away and I will stop for real this time. I am praying that I can calm down on this topic. The world is so good at convincing people that was is wrong is ok. Please know what you believe and why you believe it or else the world will take you down a long hard path that leads to nothing.