Doubt and Fear PEACE!

Wow, it has been a REALLY long time since I have written. I have been lacking motivation and just overwhelmed with life.

The last few months have been particularly trying. We are being affected by this lovely economy as are tons of people. Really, we have held on for 3 years now which is absolutely amazing. The way God has provided and that can only be contributed to Him. He has kept us going. Even with me knowing that, I allowed fear and doubt to creep in. God, where will we live? How long will it take us to get back on our feet? Will we sell everything? How will we explain having to move to the kids?

I have cried, literally cried out to God to guide our steps and tell our hearts if we need to go in another direction business wise. It's easy to say I trust God but when He is all I have, can I really trust and be ok?

You know, God doesn't owe me an explanation or have to tell me what His plans our for our future. I started to realize that God isn't concerned with us being comfortable. We have tried to sell our house to no avail. I thought maybe this will be God's way of getting rid of the "things" in our life. ......and I'm OK with that. I have come to terms that God is still God, still in control and regardless of what happens to our business WE WILL BE OK!! Our happiness is not based on where we live, or what we have. To be honest here, in the last year I've really felt guilty about what we do have when there are so many people that need help. What can we sell and then who can we help? I read the book "Radical" by David Platt which is A-Mazing! A gentlemen in the book said that he thought maybe he was crazy for giving so much money away and then he realized that when he died and stood before God he would not hear him say "You should have kept more for yourself". Wow! Really puts things in perspective.

So, over the last 2 months God has calmed my fears with a couple of different verses. During this time I had been seeing feathers in the kitchen, living room, Denson's office, playroom, and in my car. After awhile I started to wonder why and if that meant something. I tried to look up meaning or significance of feathers. I didn't find anything biblical so I just dismissed it. Well, I came across a picture that had Psalms 91:4 on it. THIS is what it says:
Psalms 91:4
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

I could hardly contain the excitement! I needed to read that and probably would not have thought much about it had I not seen all of those feathers. God is just awesome like that!

The other verse I wrote down and have in my kitchen so I can see it multiple times a day. It is:
Psalms 62:5-6 I find rest in God; only he gives me hope. He is my rock and my salvation. He is my defender; I will not be defeated.

All the doubt and fear were taken away and I have peace. AND God is still providing our every need! Christmas time is such a magical time of year. To think about the Saviour of the world being born and all the miraculous things surrounding His life make me beyond grateful that He saved me!

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

NEVER a dull moment

Since I haven't written in a while, I thought I would share some Reese stories. Because I'm never short on a Reese story.

One evening he told us his name was no longer Reese but Jim. He was a painter, and drove a red truck. Anytime I said Reese he quickly corrected me. Not only did his name change but he referred to himself in third person. He yelled from the potty, "Momma, come wipe Jim". I asked him "Reese, are you tired?" "Yeah, Jim is tired".

The next morning we thought for sure he had forgotten about it but no, he was still Jim. We get to daycare and everyone that said "Hey Reese!" he told them he was Jim. Later in the day and little girl hit him and this is what he said to the teacher "Mary (name changed to protect the not so innocent) hit Jim". The last funny bit was when one of his friends said "Bye Reese" and "Jim" looked at the mom and said "He doesn't know my name is Jim now". After about a day and a half he went back to Reese :)

This next story still has me baffled. Monday morning Denson walks into to the living room to see Reese going potty in between the cushions on the couch!! Bailey chimes in that the couch was wet the night before and thought someone had just spilled something. We asked Reese about it and it was pee pee!! We were livid and grossed out. That afternoon we steamed cleaned the couch and decided we better find out if there were any more "marking of the territory". The answer was yes, and the following were steam cleaned, or washed: behind his bed, side of his bed, IN THE TOY BOX, and the dining room rug!

We told him that if we caught him doing this again we would throw his big boy underwear away and he would have to wear diapers from now on. He didn't like that at all so HOPEFULLY I won't have another story like it.

Stay tuned for the next Reese story in the making I'm sure!

I'm Not Who I Was

I just love this song! I can relate because sometimes I wish I could tell people from my past how much I've changed. Some of the mistakes I've made, people I've hurt and even people I learned things from......I wish they could see me now. I would love to explain why, and how I changed.

I am so thankful God did not give up on me and I am so thankful He made me a new person. There is no other explanation!

Hair by Reese

My sweet little baby boy could easily be called "Dennis the Menace". I can't even begin to tell you all things this boy gets into on a DAILY basis. He has a great imagination. I really need to start taking pictures of the things he makes. As I'm writing this, he has lined up the chairs in the kitchen. He says it is a train. His tiger is riding the train and he has him "buckled up" with the power cord for my swiffer vacuum. And the witch won't leave him alone so he is driving the train to get away from her. Alrighty then.

The whole reason for this post is about 2 months old and yes, my name is Sheila and I am a procrastinator.

One Saturday morning, I was cooking pancakes and Reese walks into the kitchen with a pair of scissors........on his head. He was quite proud of himself and told me he had cut his hair. He led me to the spot where all I saw was a pile of blond hair. Again, he was very proud of himself while I began tearing up. Yes, I know it's just hair and it will grow back but he cut it so short the only way to fix it is to shave the rest of his hair almost completely off!

No lie, the boy had only been up for 30 minutes. Maybe he dreamed of being a barber, I don't know but that is what he decided to do when he woke up. I got over being upset and he still looks just as cute with his little shaved head :)

"Are you wearing a back brace?"

Lately I have had to come to terms that I am getting older. I can't believe Bailey will be going into the 4th grade this fall. I can remember being in 4th grade myself so am I old enough to have my very own 4th grader?!?! After the last week I can sadly say yes :(

Starting off, I have become an embarrassment to my daughter. Twice, yes twice, I have asked who I thought was an employee of the store a question to find out that they were not an employee of that store. First time it happened I justified it but the second time I asked a man in Fred's wearing a Target shirt for assistance. I may just be losing it........and Bailey was mortified!

Bailey and I were having a girl day and we saw a store we had never gone into called "Wet Seal". We thought we would take a peak. If any of you are familiar with this store I'm sure you are laughing right now. As soon, and I mean as soon as we hit the door I realized that everyone in the store was in shock that we had walked in. I have never seen such short shorts, skirts or tiny, tiny bikinis EVER! We played it cool, well Bailey did and we looked around. Bailey actually found a cute shirt and believe it or not I did too........ a vest with a belt attached. I thought it was pretty cute and maybe, just maybe I was cool enough to wear it.

I decided I would wear the vest to work and I didn't think it was too bad and Bailey actually liked it. Denson did make a few jokes about me looking like a "black belt" karate person, but hey, what does he know about fashion?

However, the moment I knew this vest was a mistake was when someone I know said, "Hey, are you wearing a back brace?" I immediately started laughing and said no. At that point I knew I would never wear the vest again. I have posted a picture below so you can see that it really is cute...............................I'm just not cool enough to rock a vest with a belt :)

F.R.E.E.D.O.M

I have had the best weekend! A group of girls and I went to the EWomen's Conference and it was PHENOMENAL!!!! All of the speakers were great as well as the music. I would encourage anyone that is thinking about going to this conference to go (Like there are thousands of people that will actually be reading this).

The theme of the conference was "Embracing Powerful Peace". I don't know about you but I could use some peace these days. I thought I would share with you a few things I learned. Sheri Rose Shepherd spoke and gave an acronym for FREEDOM......

F - Fight the good fight. We are in a constant spiritual battle. Keep the faith!
R - Run to God!
E - Enter into praise & prayer.
E - Eliminate the things that exhaust you, stress you out, etc.
D - Do what God wants you to do.
O - Operate in your appointed position.
M - Move On! Isaiah 43:18 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."

Think of the freedom we will experience if we put these things into practice! At times it is hard to know what God wants us to do. However, if we stay in the word, pray, and keep those things away from our life that don't bear fruit we will be able to know when God is speaking. We also, need to understand that we may not always get the answer or response we are wanting. Deuteronomy 20:5 - "You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God........" The idols of our day are different from the idols the Israelites looked to. Anything that keeps us away from God and His purpose for our lives is an idol. If God tells us "no" to something we have been in prayer for, then it could just be that we are looking to "that" to make us happy, and we are to turn to God for that happiness.

The above verse is obviously something God is speaking to me about. I have heard and read this verse numerous times over the past couple of days. That my friend, is one of the ways God "speaks" to me, through scripture!

Lastly, I will leave you with scriptures from the weekend that in my opinion, are powerful and will help get you through those rough times we are either facing, faced, or will be facing.

1 Thessolonians 5:16-17 Be joyful always, pray continually.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Lamentations 3:23-24 - They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "the LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Swimsuit Season :(

I thought this post from last year was worth posting again. I've not even thought about a swimsuit this year and after reading this again I may just wait until a miracle happens and I lose 20 lbs!!

Really, after reading the title I probably don't have to say more.....but I will.

We are going to the beach for the weekend with one of my sisters, my two brothers, dad and stepmom and the "many small children" (I stole took that quote from Mckmama's blog, love it!) that belong to them. I'm sure we will have a blast and have many stories to share when we return.

I started packing today and thought I should try on my swimsuits to see if they were a go. I have been going to the gym for a little over 2 months now, so I expected the swimsuits from the last 2 yrs to fall off be a little big on me. Boy did I get a suprise.....the same!! The exact same, how does that happen!! Well, except that they were a little stretched out, so it wasn't sucking in enough for my taste. Can you say disappointed?

The one thing I dread more than finding a good fitting pair of jeans....finding a swimsuit that doesn't make me look like I'm a 32 yr old trying to be 15. Let's just be honest here, most swimsuits these days are not made for a person that has 2 children......unless you are a celebrity and can work out all day and have a personal chef to make a fabulous meal with like 10 calories...whatever.

So, I mustered up the courage to go shopping with my 2 kids in tow. Probably not a wise choice, but I was running out of time and Bailey is pretty good at giving fashion tips. (You know you need help when you look to a 7 yr old for fashion advice!)

We go to Kohls, and I was very pleased with their selection. A good bit of their swimsuits had the good ole skirt attached. Yes!!!!!

I pick out 3 and off to the dressing room we go.

I'll just say that the look on Bailey's face said it all. Ummm, that's a no on choice number 1!!! On to choice number 2........another bad look. We are in a public place so I'm not sure that I really want her opinion to be said out loud. Finally I had to ask, what is it you don't like. Another bad look.........then she says "I mean it's your legs that's all." That's all???? Do they make swimsuit pants? If so, please let me know.

I go onto choice 3 and she actually liked it!!! A flippin miracle, woohoo!!

Oh, while we are in the dressing room, Reese decided to scream, "Mommy poo pooed!". Nice, not like I was already humilated with a 7yr old that doesn't have an ounce of fat on her looking at me in total disgust, I have Reese yelling that I had pooped. Great, just great!

We check out and get in the car. I had to ask about the leg comment. I told her it was ok to be honest, but just tell me what was so bad about my legs. She says, "They are just too white." I can totally deal with that. I know fat looks better tan, but I have sworn off tanning beds. I will have to get a tan the good old fashioned way...........getting sun burned at the beach!!

Nothing like a good ol' boost to the self esteem than shopping for a swimsuit with a very honest 7 yr old!

I'm finding myself at a loss for words.

I had a moment today.................while folding clothes. One of my least favorite things to do and there He was, right there with me! I am trying very hard not to watch a lot of TV so I decided to listen to music and "Word of God Speak" by Kutless came on and the tears were flowing before I knew it.
Chorus:
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That Your in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your Holiness
Word of God speak

God is everywhere and in everything. At times that is hard to see. As I've mentioned before, a good friend and I are doing a bible study on Esther. Esther is the only book in the bible that never mentions God.......but, He is all over it!

Psalm 139: 7-10 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand, will hold me fast.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I think it's worth saying again. Things we are able to get away with (not feel convicted about) now, may be the things that we can't get away with (feel convicted) months down the road. We are always being pruned, which will allow us to grow spiritually.

John 15:1-2 I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

There are 3 areas I feel that are being pruned right now:

1. Time- The way I spend my time - mostly watching TV. Most shows I watch bring nothing of value to my life. The world likes to tell us "You've worked hard today, the kids are in bed, you deserve it, watch whatever you want." Trust me, I have a lot of work to do but I have cut out 3 shows so far and I don't even miss it!

2. Faithfulness - Remain faithful in giving ESPECIALLY during the hard times. I came across Hebrews 10:35-39 on 3-5-10 and I had marked in my bible on 3-5-06. Exactly 4 yrs later! Verse 35 - So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. God will provide and the bible doesn't say to give if you feel like it or if things are going well.

3. Stay Strong - Satan will always be working to bring you down. He knows what works and will use that against you time and time again. There are certain lies that get in my head from time to time and I refuse to let my thoughts go there anymore!!

God is there, even when we find ourselves at a loss for words, and the funny thing is, it's ok.

Same Post - Different Words :)

So I've had several different topics on my mind to blog about lately. Obviously I've procrastinated quite a bit. As usual.....when I sit down to write, I draw a big fat blank so this post may or may not make sense :)



In the last few weeks, conversations I've had with my hubby have really stood out. I love that I can talk to him about things that are floating around in my head and for the most part he gets what I'm trying to say and adds to it. Now, he could just be being nice but either way I feel like getting those thoughts out verbally help to process things.



From our conversations and sermons Pastor Chris has preached I've come to the realization that being a christian, or telling someone you are a christian, really has the potential to cause a good bit of harm or (hopefully) alot of good. For some people, they may encounter very few christians in their life. What that person says, does, or doesn't do is what becomes their idea of what all christians are like. Sure, we are not perfect by any means. If an alocoholic sees a "christian" drinking, would that make that person think that it might be ok? If "the world" sees us and can't really see a difference in how they are living and how you are, then what would their incentive be to become a christian? I think God is more concerned about us being holy and leading others to him than how we want to live. I don't know about you, but doing things the way I've wanted them haven't worked out real well.



D.L. Moody wrote: " It is a great deal better to live a holy life than to talk about it. We are told to let our light shine, and if it does we won't need to tell anybody it does. The light will be it's own witness. Lighthouses don't ring bells and fire cannons to call attention to their shining - they just shine."

Wow, that is pretty powerful!



Moving on to a couple of other revelations. I looked back the other day on when I became saved. I had been in church on and off my whole life, knew what I needed to do but never did it. I can recall realizing I NEEDED a saviour. I truly could not do the thing we call "life" here another second on my own. Days later I also realized there was NOTHING I could do to earn my salvation. "Isn't that crazy?" I thought. So, I know that there is nothing I or anyone else can do to get a person to accept Christ. But, we can plant seeds and be an example and I guarantee you when someone comes to the place that they need a saviour they will think of you and what you've said. I know I thought of a man that I used to work with that was a good christian example. No matter what was going on at work, no matter where the office Christmas parties were, he always acted the same. He invited me to church several times, although I never accepted. But, when I finally GOT IT, I wanted to let him know that I did and I appreciated all the kind words he spoke and the example that he was.

So after having the above conversation with Denson, we started talking about all the things that had to happen for us to be in the place we are at now. First, I wasn't a believer and the fact that God was busy working things out even when I could care less is just amazing. Second, when my "light" was turned on, luckily I had a supportive spouse and we starting growing together. Since I had been married before and didn't have that luck when I did try to do "church" - I know that mine and Denson's marriage was meant to be. We sure didn't consult Him before getting married!

One last thing, a good friend and I have started the Beth Moore study on Esther. It is amazing!! I had heard of her before but never read any of her books. Well, this study has made me a Beth Moore fan. We will start week 2 tomorrow and I can't wait! Hope everyone has a great week!

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2

Do you ever have dreams that you wish you could somehow record and go back and watch? I have and last night was one of them. I dreamed about my PaPa! It was weird but it was like I had gone back in time before he passed away and he was telling me things I needed to know to live a good life. It was like I knew he was gone but I wanted to soak up as much of what he was telling me as I could. Of course I can't remember everything but what did stick out in my mind was him telling me not to worry about the things of this world....there was nothing "here" that could make me happy. In the inside I was thinking, "Yes! I know that now and you would be so proud!" It was great to see his face and remember him. Gosh, he's been gone 14 yrs and I still miss him so much!

He was such a wise, Godly man. I wish I really could go back and ask him questions. I would ask him to tell me about his life before God and what led him to Him (my nanny has where he had written it down, we just need to find it!). I would get more details of his dream/vision of heaven. Just plain ol' advice for life.

I wish I could tell him what an impact he had on my life. Unfortunately I didn't realize it until he was gone. Really, him telling about his dream of heaven saved me. It took a long time but I never forgot it.

The things we say and do now......we never know how God will use that to impact lives years down the road.

One last thing. We had community group tonight and the 2nd scripture we read was Colossians 3:1-11. The first couple of verses said "Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." I don't think it was a coincidence that I had that dream and THEN this scripture was part of our study tonight. God is so awesome!

New Years Resolution

I have felt really convicted here lately on what I watch on TV. I have been so quick to want to get the kids to bed on certain nights so I can watch one of my shows. At the same time, I'm putting off other important things, much more important things like spending time with God.

Do things you hear ever stick with you and you feel like you'll never forget them? I have a few and one that keeps popping in my mind is something I heard Joyce Meyer say some years ago. She was talking about growing spiritually and that things you were able to do last year, are the same things you won't be able to the next. I have found that to be so true! I remember the first time I drank alcohol after being saved...........I KNEW that was something I could not do anymore. I think back on things that I've done and just cringe at the thought. No way could I do those things at this point in my life. But, I am so thankful that I didn't have to have it all together in order to be able to attend church and worship God. He accepts us just as we are and as a matter of fact He is the one that gives us the strength to kick bad habits. He even takes desires away for the not so good things and gives us new desires.

One of my goals this year is to memorize one bible verse a week. I had a conversation with a family member about a week ago. She was very sad and told me of an experience she had and that after that, she quit praying that God would just let her die. So, hours after the conversation I wake up thinking of the verse that says:" The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." John 10:10. I so wish I could have given her that scripture. Life is tough and is just not fair at times but we are not supposed to live a defeated life. Of course I had to look up the scripture because I did not have it memorized. With that being said I remembered a verse that says something about hiding God's word in your heart......(after searching for 20 minutes) ok, couldn't find that but maybe this is what I was thinking Ephesians 6:10-18. This talks about putting on the full armor of God. How can I do that without knowing the scripture?

Sometimes it is hard to know what God is telling us or wants us to do but the more we stay in the word and pray He reveals himself. It is so awesome how confirmation from others that have no idea what's going on can be used by God and not even know it.

So, I guess you could say I have 2 New Year's resolutions: 1.Quit watching so much junk on TV(not everything is junk but alot is)! 2. Memorize scripture.

I know 2010 will be a great year, I just know it!