Dream

Do you ever have dreams that make you wonder what the meaning behind the dream is? I am starting to have more of them and the last one was a doozy (is that a word?). Last week I dreamed by youngest brother died of alcohol poisoning. He was in rehab last year and lets just say the rehab didn't help. You can probably tell from my last post that I feel very strongly and dislike alcohol very much. I've had numerous discussions with family members that don't think there is an urgency in helping him, motivating him, and encouraging him to not drink. I'm sorry, but alcoholics can't have 1 drink. Not to mention he has a 2 yr old daughter that he is raising... the mom hasn't seen her in at least the last 18 months.

Back to the dream. I dreamed he died and when I woke up I literally FELT the sadness and I sobbed (not cried, because hey, we all know I'm a crier) yes sobbed for an hour and a half. I normally go to the gym in the morning but I couldn't pull it together enough to even do that! So, I came downstairs and prayed and I've never had such a loss for words when praying. I know God heard my heart though. I was broken, completly broken. I wondered, why did I FEEL such sadness to that capacity? Then I thought that God probably grieves for us and this dying world like that. Why the dream, why the crying, what do I need to do with this?

The following day I tried calling my brother. I couldn't get him. I tried to think of the letter I sent him 2 1/2 yrs ago. I told him how much better my life was since I accepted Christ as my Saviour. I urged him to seek God's face and although his difficulties in life would still be there, he would have help and the greatest help of all. I wonder if he ever read the letter? I remember the night I wrote it. I was pregnant with Reese and I was wide awake at 3:00am and the words came to me with such ease! No doubt that was God. So, was this dream too, something God wanted to tell me?

After all the wondering, I think I finally started to realize what I was supposed to learn. One, it is not about the alcohol, just stop with all that, and realize the only decision one can make that REALLY matters is the decision you make to accept Jesus into your life and to live for God. Really when it's all said and done that is the ONLY thing that matters. I need to stop seeing the sin in others and focus on what really matters. My brother could die and would it matter that I so despised the drinking and I told him he needed to stop? No. Would it matter that he didn't know what it took to be saved and that no one ever bothered to take the time find out if he knew? Yes. I think we assume alot of times that since we live in the bible belt that EVERYONE knows who Jesus is. We can't assume.

The lyrics to one of my favorite songs says:
"Give me your eyes for just one second,
give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing,
give me your love for humanity,
give me your arms for the broken hearted the ones that are far beyond my reach,
give me your eyes for the once forgotten..........."

I want to see others the way He sees them.

The last tidbit to the story is this.......The day before the dream I bought a book. The Hiding Place, the true story of Corrie Ten Boom. I had heard about her and a little about her story. Great book!! The ending really spoke to me. Corrie and her sister were imprisoned in Germany for hiding Jews. They suffered just unimaginable things. Corrie Ten Boom told her story to many and at the end of one of her speaking engagements one of the former guards of the prison she was in came up to her. I will quote from the book because I couldn't begin to tell in my own words.

"Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I strugged to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, but the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness. As I shook his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me."

Corrie Ten Boom.

Wow. As I read those words I thought of my dream and how those very real feelings from the dream was God. I need to look past the sin and at the person God sees. Love them. Let God do the work, and be obedient to the things he wants me to do.

I still intend on having the salvation talk with my brother but before I can do that, I need to see him and not the sin. I am so glad we don't truly get what we deserve and that we serve a loving God that sent His only Son to die on a cross to save me from MY sins!! Amazing! If God lets me off the hook why do I continue to hang others on that same hook? I sin just the same as the alcoholic, "get over it!" I tell myself, and love these people just like those who loved me and were able to see past the sin and care enough to share the greatest and most important news ever. Thank you God!!

June 8th (and a rant I shouldn't get on)

I can't believe it's been a month since I've written a blog....where does the time go? Today is Bailey's 8th birthday! Crazy, crazy that I have an 8 yr old. She has been so excited for a month about this birthday. I guess when you are a kid, you just want to be older....then when you are older you wish you were a kid again!

Sadly though, today was not a good day for her. Without going into to much info here, I'll just say two things. First, the morning started off with a phone call from her stepmom (not good since she starts the conversation with "I just thought you would want to know what's going on.") and second, once Bailey got home she told me her dad wasn't a good truth teller. So sad, but so true. However, we did go to Johny Rockets for dinner and strangers singing happy birthday to her made her day!

I have to say my peace and then I will try to stay off of this subject. I can not talk about drinking alcohol without getting very mad! I feel so passionate about not drinking that I tend to take it to the extreme. If you can't handle alcohol, don't drink!!! If you can't function and take care of your responsibilities, don't drink! If you wreck numerous vehicles due to drinking, don't drink! If it bothers your children when you drink, don't drink! If you don't want your kids to grow up to be an alcoholic, don't drink! I could go on and on but I will stop with that. I guess I just don't understand why it is so hard for people to see the damage that is caused in a family when alcohol is number one in a persons life. Oh, I forgot this one, "Jesus turned water into wine, it's ok to drink." It's not ok to get drunk, and please for the love tell me how drinking honors God??? I need to know the answer to that.

Ok, so I did get carried away and I will stop for real this time. I am praying that I can calm down on this topic. The world is so good at convincing people that was is wrong is ok. Please know what you believe and why you believe it or else the world will take you down a long hard path that leads to nothing.

The Motion

I have been in a funk the last couple of weeks. You know, the kind of funk where you don't do any of the things you are supposed to do.....like reading the bible, praying, and of course other things that are much less important like cleaning house! Last week I had a great excuse to not clean.......I had a horrible crick (spelling??) in my neck that caused me to wake up in the middle of the night not able to move. Luckily after 3 visits to the chiropractor I can move and look to the left without crying. Still no excuse for not reading the bible or praying. That really stinks!

Luckily I am/was very aware that I needed to get back on the bible reading, praying train that I had fallen off of. I do not want to EVER forget what God has done for me and go back to the life I had BC (before Christ).

So, towards the end of last week I knew God was trying to tell me something. For me sometimes, I can hear a song, hear a sermon, read an email and just boo hoo.....knowing that very thing was EXACTLY what I needed at that very moment. God is just awesome like that! Friday afternoon I was in the car and heard Matthew West's song "The Motions". Yep, I teared up. I came in and wrote the lyrics on a piece of paper and hung it on the fridge. I did not want to forget those words!! So, just to show you how I knew this was what God was telling me..........Sunday morning at church a video was played and guess to what song??? The Motions, by Matthew West. Crazy!!!! I am going to try to post the song so you guys can hear how awesome it is. "I don't want to go through the motions, I don't want to go one more day, without your all consuming passion inside of me. What if I spent my whole life asking, what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions."

Of course the sermon was awesome and spoke to me. Last week I had a dream about a friend that I used to work with. I dreamed we were at a funeral and he was outside the church crying. He was saying he just didn't understand how the people in the church were so at peace, it just didn't make sense. I walked up to him and told him how to get that peace. So based on the sermon yesterday, I feel compelled to call or email this friend and tell him about the dream. I know that said friend will think I am crazy but what if he needs to hear what I have to say? What if the words I speak are an answer to prayer? Have any of you ever had a dream about someone and relayed the info? I guess I just need to pray about this situation and see what God wants me to do.....I hope I get it right!!

Click on one of the pictures at the top of my blog to watch the video (couldn't figure out how to post right here). Anywho, don't forget to scroll to the bottom of my blog to stop the music that always plays. Hope you enjoy the video as much as I have!

Swimsuit Season :(

Really, after reading the title I probably don't have to say more.....but I will.

We are going to the beach for the weekend with one of my sisters, my two brothers, dad and stepmom and the "many small children" (I stole took that quote from Mckmama's blog, love it!) that belong to them. I'm sure we will have a blast and have many stories to share when we return.

I started packing today and thought I should try on my swimsuits to see if they were a go. I have been going to the gym for a little over 2 months now, so I expected the swimsuits from the last 2 yrs to fall off be a little big on me. Boy did I get a suprise.....the same!! The exact same, how does that happen!! Well, except that they were a little stretched out, so it wasn't sucking in enough for my taste. Can you say disappointed?

The one thing I dread more than finding a good fitting pair of jeans....finding a swimsuit that doesn't make me look like I'm a 32 yr old trying to be 15. Let's just be honest here, most swimsuits these days are not made for a person that has 2 children......unless you are a celebrity and can work out all day and have a personal chef to make a fabulous meal with like 10 calories...whatever.

So, I mustered up the courage to go shopping with my 2 kids in tow. Probably not a wise choice, but I was running out of time and Bailey is pretty good at giving fashion tips. (You know you need help when you look to a 7 yr old for fashion advice!)

We go to Kohls, and I was very pleased with their selection. A good bit of their swimsuits had the good ole skirt attached. Yes!!!!!

I pick out 3 and off to the dressing room we go.

I'll just say that the look on Bailey's face said it all. Ummm, that's a no on choice number 1!!! On to choice number 2........another bad look. We are in a public place so I'm not sure that I really want her opinion to be said out loud. Finally I had to ask, what is it you don't like. Another bad look.........then she says "I mean it's your legs that's all." That's all???? Do they make swimsuit pants? If so, please let me know.

I go onto choice 3 and she actually liked it!!! A flippin miracle, woohoo!!

Oh, while we are in the dressing room, Reese decided to scream, "Mommy poo pooed!". Nice, not like I was already humilated with a 7yr old that doesn't have an ounce of fat on her looking at me in total disgust, I have Reese yelling that I had pooped. Great, just great!

We check out and get in the car. I had to ask about the leg comment. I told her it was ok to be honest, but just tell me what was so bad about my legs. She says, "They are just too white." I can totally deal with that. I know fat looks better tan, but I have sworn off tanning beds. I will have to get a tan the good old fashioned way...........getting sun burned at the beach!!

Nothing like a good ol' boost to the self esteem than shopping for a swimsuit with a very honest 7 yr old!

I just love Easter. Since becoming a christian, it just takes on a whole new meaning. I was overwhelmed with emotion Sunday at church. We sang an old hymn "Because He lives" and that just about caused the tears to flow (thus embarrassing Denson). Not only is that song so meaningful, but it also reminds me of my grandparents. When we were little we would go to church with them and most of the old hymns take me back to those days. How I miss my PaPa!!

It thrills my heart to see Bailey understand why we celebrate Easter......and to see her so interested in the bible. The Easter Bunny brought her a new big girl bible and she loved it!

Easter Eve I read a sermon that Charles Spurgeon preached on the Easter of 1857. Very powerful message. If you get a moment to read here is the link: http://www.spurgeon.org/sermons/0127.htm. I won't go into it too much because I could never do it justice. He speaks about the 3 people Jesus brought back to life and how each of them had been dead for different lengths of time. I'll stop there because I won't be able to explain it to where it makes sense:) Great read and I'll be reading more of Charles Spurgeon in the future.
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Most of you probably know that Denson is not a big conversationalist and doesn't like to talk to people he doesn't know.....totally out of his comfort zone. I swear that no matter where we or he goes he draws the people that just want to talk and will talk to anybody about any and everything. Last week Denson was waiting at the chiropractors office and he spotted a guy that he thought would probably be a talker.......so, he intentionally sat across the room. He said he picked up a magazine and the cover was something to do with Nascar. Well, that opened the door! Across the room the guy asked him if he liked racing and so the unsolicited conversation began.

The day after that Denson and I were at the store. He had walked away from me to get something and as he was coming back this lady stops him and asks if he knows where the kool-aid is. I heard and saw from a distance and I had to just walk away I was laughing so hard. First of all, I never would I ask a man if he knew where anything was in a grocery store. Maybe she thought he worked there I don't know. Pretty funny though.

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Easter pics.

Bailey with her easter basket. Isn't her new bible too cute??

Reese has a basket too, it's just not in view due to the 6ft alligator. He loved it!

Let's not bring the kids in it.

Let me just start by saying I'm really irritated a little irritated about this whole gambling thing. I completely agree with Rick and Bubba and the views they expressed this morning on their show. I'm sure by now, if you live in Alabama, you've seen the commercials that several country music celebs are endorsing saying "Let the people vote." I'm pretty sure we've voted before and it did not pass.

I know, I know, this will help the schools, the kids, and yada, yada, yada. Ok, so if gambling is such a "good" thing, why do states that have a lottery or casinos have the need to set up a gamblers anonymous hotline???? Doesn't sound so good to me.

I can tell you, that it is no one else's responsibility to send MY kids to college but mine. I don't want my kids to go to college at the expense of someone else. People will win, but more than likely they won't pay bills with it or help further their kids education, no, they'll gamble it away, trying to win just a little more. There are so many stories of lottery winners that after a few years are broke and in worse shape than before they won the money. Usually, those hurt by gambling are the ones that aren't responsible gamblers (oxymoron) and are probably the same ones that aren't responsible drinkers either.......and don't get me started on that one!!

I know some cities are pushing for this too so they can pay their debt. Whose fault is it they are in debt now? What happened to the concept of if you can't afford it, don't buy it? So, now it's up to the citizens to gamble in order to pay the city's bills? That is part of the problem, no one has to take responsibility for their actions any more. It's always someone else's fault........"The bank wouldn't give me a loan", but when the bank does give someone a loan, although they can't afford it, then it's the banks fault for giving someone money they knew couldn't pay it back. When does it end!

Let's just call it what it is..........let's not bring the kids in it........again, a shared view from Rick and Bubba........Let's vote yes to gambling because we love to give our money away, neglect our kids, and bet in hopes of hitting it big. That's what we are voting for. If we really care about the kids, go tutor kids that are less fortunate, give money to buy clothing and put food on the table....that would help the kids. Oh, and if you want a lot of money, how about work for it....wow, what a concept!

"People are like stained glass windows............."

Bailey said something today that really made me proud...... and made me think. I had picked her up from school and she asked if we could play outside when we got home. I told her we could, we had a little while before the storms came through. This last week has just been a rainy one. She proceeded to tell me she thought it was a pretty day. Today would not be what most people would call a pretty day by no means. So, I said well, it's been a cloudy day for sure. She said "I know, that's what made it pretty, seeing the sky through the clouds." Wow, what could I say after that?

How much better could our lives be if we could see what's beyond the clouds of life? This made me think of a saying that I just love: "People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross) Awesome..........Really, our happiness shouldn't be based on our circumstances.

Pastor Chris preached a great sermon this past Sunday and he talked about being content. Being content is something you have to learn. This world tells you that you need more money, better car, bigger house, more, more, more. You can't take a darn thing with you when you leave this earth. When you die, there is nothing you have or can buy that will stop the one thing we will all do one day.....die. It's funny because Denson and I had just talked about contentment the week before. It is amazing how God speaks. Sometimes I wonder why I continue to use the word amazing, because God is awesome all the time and nothing He does should suprise me......but I'm still in AWE!!